How to Make Eating In More Like Eating Out

Spicing Up Eating In

I've been a SAHM for years, and as a result we've always eaten most of our meals at home. The chief difference between meals at home "Before" and meals at home now is we don't really have a choice now. It's really interesting how putting something out of reach makes it all the more desirable, too. Here are a couple of ideas to make eating in just as good an experience as it is for your wallet and waistline.

The first thing to ask yourself is "Why do I want to eat out anyway?" I know exactly why I want to eat out!

• No shopping for food
• No prepping food
• No schlepping the food (to the dining room table and back to the sink)
• No cleanup
• Wait Staff!
• Interaction with friends
• Distractions for the kids
• Variety in the dishes and in the meal (Appetizers! Bread Baskets! Desserts!)

Whew! That's a tall order for a dinner at home. Never fear, though, it can be achieved.

The Meal: There are a couple of things that you can't get away from: If you're going to eat a homemade meal at home, you're going to have to shop, prep, and schlep the food some. You can cut down on this step by planning to serve a meal you've prepared earlier in the day or earlier in the week. In fact, if you're a fan of Once A Month Cooking (freezer cooking), you may have prepped the meal a whole month ago. Using a slow cooker is another way to cut down some on the meal prep so you can focus on your day instead of on the stove.  I'll mention cooking circles later in this article as a way of adding variety to your meals.

Plate the Food in the Kitchen: Of course we're used to placing all the serving dishes on the table and passing them around, but chances are you have a pretty good idea how much everyone is going to take. Go ahead and plate the food before it leaves the kitchen. This will also result in less to clear away from the table after the meal.

Hire a Waiter: Kids love to role play, and giving them the role of waiter for a night may be all you need to give your tootsies a rest for the evening. If they're too young or if you'd like to keep the family gathered around the table for the meal, have a waiter's station set up near the dining room table. This can be a card table put up just for the night, or you can use the kitchen counter. At the waiter's station have a pitcher of water, extra napkins, silverware, and anything else that usually has you popping up and down like Jack in the Box during dinner.

A Table Full of Friends: It's true, it is easier to decide with friends to head for the nearest restaurant after the basketball game. Having said that, it's much more rewarding to have everyone over for dinner instead. There's no check to worry about splitting at the end of the meal, there's no fisheye from the waiter when you're lingering over dessert at the end of the evening. What this does take is planning. You can plan the entire meal in advance and set a date to get together, or if you issued an impromptu invitation you can stretch a meal by adding a quick soup or salad and more side dishes. Soups are really easy to make in bulk and freeze, and a bag of salad takes 5 minutes to grab at the grocery store on the way home.

Interaction or Distraction? One of the biggest benefits to having the whole family at the table is the relationships it builds, but sometimes after both of you have been at home all day long the last thing you want is to interact more. Enter the board game, the book of puzzles, the coloring book, whatever you think would distract your family members while still allowing you to interact. I'm a personal fan of board games over dinner because the pause for turns keeps everyone involved while the game keeps your mind off more pressing issues, like the lack of job, job interviews, bills, etc. If you want to spend some quality time with your spouse, letting the kids read or play with a book of puzzles or a coloring book is a good way to distract them while the two of you talk. I don't like glowing screens or battery operated gizmos and gadgets at the table though. They are a little too effective at distracting kids.


Variety: What does a regular meal look like at your house?  Is it a one-pot dinner?  Is it one meat and two vegetables? Time to change it up a little bit.  The easiest thing to do is add courses to the meal.  Start with a soup, salad, or an easy appetizer.  Plan to serve dessert and get some cool whip to garnish even the simplest after dinner sweet.  If you love lingering over coffee at a restaurant, preload the coffee maker before dinner and have one of the kids hit the on button half way through the meal.

Another way to add variety to your meals is to join a cooking circle.  Different cooking clubs operate in different ways, but in general you prepare one meal in bulk, package it, and freeze it.  Keep one prepped meal for yourself and exchange the other prepacked meal with the members of your cooking circle.  You get three new to you homemade takeout meals that can be thawed out and served any time.  Eating out at home could be a great time to serve that cooking circle meal.

More Ways to Spice It Up:

• Dress Up - If you wouldn't get groceries in what you're wearing you probably don't need to be sitting down to the table for an Eating Out Dinner In.  You will feel better if you take a quick minute to change into something that you feel good in. 
• Clean up - Either clean as you go or make sure that the dishwasher is unloaded so everything can go straight into the washer after dinner.  That way once the meal is done there's little or no work to do, just like when you eat out.  
• Change the lighting - Ever notice that when the lower the lighting at a restaurant the higher the bill?  You can recreate some of that high priced atmosphere at home by pulling out the candles, or unscrewing a light bulb or two.  Easiest is if you have a dimmer on the dining room lights.  
• Add music - Play the radio or turn the stereo up loud enough so you can hear it at the table
• Eat Outside - Ok, it's January here, so I'm not a huge fan of this one right now, but once it warms up you can bet I'm going to set up the back porch like an outdoor cafe.  

What would you do to make an evening in as much or more fun as an evening out?

Never Say Never

For years I worked as a university academic advisor.  At one national conference I remember looking at the athletic department academic advisors and thinking "That's one job I never want to have."  Fast forward a couple of years, and guess what.  Yup, I was hired as an academic advisor in a university athletic department... and I loved it.  

Similarly I always thought that the worst thing that could happen would be for both of us to be out of work at the same time.  Now we're in that situation and...  well, it sucks.  I will admit that.  But, it's not as bad as I thought it would be.  

For one thing we've really had the chance to spend time with each other for the first time in a very long time.  Sure, there are a couple of things that drive us nuts about the other, but mostly it's been a real treat.  

We're also using this time to talk about what's important to us.  It's interesting how our guiding values lose their central position when we're distracted by the minutiae of everyday life.  I'm grateful that we've had the chance to sit down and evaluate our lives so clearly.  I don't want to have to go through a job loss again to find this new clarity of thought and purpose, but I have to admit that this has been good for us to do.  

So what's different now?  I'm going to try to never say never about anything because of the unexpected benefits new situations bring.  

Is Piano Essential?

You're probably familiar with homeschooling, and of course you know what private schools are, but you may not have heard of something called afterschooling. In a nutshell you look at what your child's school does well and supplement with afterschool, summer school, winter break and weekend activities. For example, if art education has been cut waaaaay back in your school district, you might choose to enroll the kid(s) in an art class through Parks and Rec. If the organized sports are less than sporting, chances are there is an athletic league that fits your family's bracket. The point is, kids' activities outside of school help round out the kid.

Well, all that is fine and dandy when you have a steady paycheck and time to play taxi mom. What happens when the purse strings tighten up? Our family is cutting back to the bare essentials – no more audible.com, traded in the Blockbuster movie pass for Netflix on demand, and are eating in (except for things like potlucks, networking lunches, and dinner with friends.) Those were easy decisions to make. Far more difficult is looking at our munchkin's schedule and deciding what stays and what goes.

The first thing we did is to look at all the family activities to see what is free and what isn't. Free activities are easy to keep on the schedule unless they have secondary costs associated with them like travel time (gas money) or entry fees. Most school clubs such as chess club and drama club are free, although many of them will have fundraisers to help with activity costs.

Next we considered the long term benefits of the activities that have a fee. An out of work friend said “I'd sell my teeth to keep my girls in ballet” and I would probably do the same for our son's piano lessons. Generally the more organized an activity is, the more likely it is to have scholarships or fee waivers. The application process can be as simple as a check box on the registration form or may be as complicated as a separate form, interview, and income verification. When you're signing the kids up for karate or baseball, take a look at the form to see if there is any mention of scholarships or fee waivers. If there isn't, ask the person collecting the registrations if that option is available. If you don't want to ask in front of the kids, try calling in. A lot of times you can ask over the phone and don't even have to leave your name or give any personal details. If you haven't already done so, check with the school to see if your lowered income qualifies your family for free or reduced price lunch. Eligibility for free/reduced price lunch qualifies many kids for automatic fee waivers and reductions for a lot of programs, especially those that are run by city or state departments like Parks & Recreation.

Activities that are less structured may not have a formal scholarship or fee waiver process, but chances are that fees can still be negotiated. Start out by talking to your child's instructor.  To avoid embarrassment you may want to do this over the phone or have the kids wait outside while you talk. Explain your situation and ask if it is possible to reduce or waive the tuition. The instructor probably has other students in the same situation you are in, but even if he doesn't, he may be willing to come to an arrangement.

Keep in mind that some or all of this may be a little uncomfortable for you. Don't be afraid to write out what you want to say. Practice it in front of the mirror or have it in front of you when you make a call. Keep in mind that you're doing it for your children, and they will reap the benefits for the rest of their lives.

Times will get better, and when they do, please return the support of the people and organizations that supported you and your family.

Cinderella's Sisters

Cinderella's Sisters or This Shoe Doesn't Fit

I have too many clothes. From what I understand, this is true of most Americans. There is a massive industry in the United States to help us sort, organize, and store our clothing, shoes, and other items. I'm not expecting too much trouble shopping my closet for the forseeable future.

Unfortunately, there is a member of our household who won't be able to shop his closet for more than about three months. This is the kid who literally grows overnight, and once abandoned a pair of shoes almost the day we bought them because they were too small. I personally fit those shoes to his feet, and there was well more than a thumb space of room between his big toe and the front of the shoe. Let's face it: kids are going to grow whether we like it—or can afford it – or not.

The silver lining to this cloud is that just as you will soon be getting rid of all those jeans, sweatshirts, and shoes currently hanging neatly from the closet rod and lined up perfectly by the door (yes, I am dreaming, but I get to do that when I write!), somebody with a child larger than your own will also be emptying out their kid's closet as well. Now here's the tricky part: how do get your hands on those clothes?

Free Options:

• Ask around – It's likely that you already know someone ready and willing to pass kids clothing on. If you are actively looking for someone to pass clothing on to, you'll probably come across a couple of parents with kids larger than your own who'll say “What a great idea! I need to do the same thing.” That's your chance to say “Let me know when you do because I'd be interested.” Voila. New clothes for your kid, easy schmeezy pumpkin easy.
• Organize or attend a clothes swap – I personally love clothes swaps. I've been to them for both adults and for kids and they are a blast. There are some great guides on the web on how to organize a clothes swap so I won't repeat all the steps here. They're a great activity for any group because they're so budget and earth friendly. Generally clothes swaps operate on a bring one, take one principle – for every item that you put into the pool, you get to take one out. They're a great way for you to find a home for the smaller items you're passing on at the same time that you are getting new items in just the right size.
• Freecycle.org – Freecycle (sounds like recycle) is one of the neatest ideas I've ever heard of. If you have something that needs out of your house you list it on freecycle in much the same way you would post a classified ad. Others read your ad via email or on their website and respond directly to you. In some cases the items are picked up the very same day, generally it's gone in less than 3 days. The nice thing is that this works both ways – if you need something, you can post a WANTED ad on the website. This tends to work best for individual items, not for an entire closet worth of goods, although I have occasionally seen people giving away giant bags of clothing at a time.

So let's say you tried all of these and you're still not getting enough clothing for the kid, or you're not staying ahead of her growth spurts. There are some other options out there that beat heading out to Kohl's at 8:00 at night to pay full price for a pair of shoes.

Cheap Options

• Garage Sales – generally held in the summer months, these can be hit or miss. When you hit the right sale, though, you can hit it big. Be sure to read the ads in your local paper, on craigslist and in any local classified papers to find the sales, and have a map and a driving plan before you leave the house. If you find a jackpot sale with just the right sizes, consider asking the person holding the sale if they would be willing to contact you directly next time they are cleaning out closets. Have an index card or a piece of paper with your contact information and the sizes you're in the market for ready to give to them.
• Thrift Stores – I love thrift stores. Usually more expensive than garage sales, the chief benefit to thrift stores is that they are available on a more convenient schedule, which means I don't have to pick between soccer and garage saling on Saturday morning. Many thrift stores are operated by charitable agencies and are not out to make a profit, which means that the clothing is at a very low price. There are exceptions though, so you may have to look around. A quick google search with “Thrift Store, MyTown, State” should give you your local options. Stores vary, too. We lived in one town with multiple branches of the Salvation Army. One location mostly had furniture and larger items, another focused on adult clothing and the third had the largest selection of kid's clothing. I made a point of stopping by the branch that had kid's clothing on a regular basis just to see what was in. Five to ten minutes every two weeks or so was more than enough time to keep ahead of a growing kid. The best part? That location charged $1 per item of kid's clothing. Nice, right?
• Craigslist.org – Craigslist is an online classified service. People can list what they are selling and then you can contact the person directly. A lot of time people will either post photos or are willing to send you photos of the items they are selling. Personally I've never used Craigslist to buy and sell kids clothing because I've always been able to find what I needed from a friend or at a thrift store. You also have the option to post what you are looking for.
• eBay.com –An auction site, eBay is a great place to look for really nice items and specialty items. If you have a wedding coming up and need a kid's tuxedo, I'd look on eBay first. Similarly, if your child grew out of those $60 wrestling shoes and you need a new pair, eBay is the place to look. People will also sell lots of clothing (multiple items on one batch), sometimes at prices as low or lower than garage sales. Keep in mind that you are paying shipping, which can eat into any of your savings.
• Retail Store Sales – Let's face it, sometimes you want to buy things new. A good store sale can help you out with this. Now, I'm not talking about the “Sale” that goes on right before school starts, I'm talking about the deep down clearance rack closeouts that go on before the school sales and the change of seasons. These require an act of faith and some storage space, but you can easily find items marked down 75% or more in July and in late January/early February. Be very very careful with these. Buying that ultimate goose down parka two sizes larger than your child is now will not help you any if the child grows three sizes between now and next winter. I like to browse these sales every year to see what is available. I will generally pick up seasonless items such as shoes and pants in larger sizes, but I tend to stay away from sweaters and shirts because it's harder to know what size our son will be when that season rolls around.

In the end, keep in mind that sooner or later you're going to hear your child quote Cinderella's sisters: “This shoe doesn't fit” and the cycle will start all over again.

Pregnant

Losing Your Job Is Kind of Like Being Pregnant...

So we started telling people that he lost his job... and it turned out that pretty much everyone has lost a job at one time or another.  Here's a typical conversation:

"Hi!  How've you been?  It feels like forever since we saw you last."

"Um.  Actually, I'm not sure if you knew but my husband lost his job."

"Oh.  I'm so sorry to hear that."

At this point one of two things happen.  Either the person looks left and right and starts to back away from the jobless person, or (and this has happened more times than I ever would have imagined possible!) the person leans in and says, "I (or my partner, spouse, brother, mother, father, lover, neighbor) lost my (his her its) job, too.  It's the best thing that ever happened to me (him, her, it)."

What?! I guess not having a job is kind of like being pregnant.  Before you get knocked up you never notice anyone pregnant unless they are in your face, and I mean IN YOUR FACE.  After you realize that you indeed have conceived, you suddenly notice that pregnant women are all around you.  Well, once we started networking (which has lately become meeting for a cup of 99 cent coffee instead of lunch) we discovered that the formerly jobless were all around.  They had some great advice, too, but I'll save that for a later post.

By the way, I'm not pregnant and (neither is he).  Just in case you were wondering but didn't want to ask.

Caesar

Render unto Caesar the things which are Caesar’s, and unto God the things that are God’s (“Ἀπόδοτε οὖν τὰ Καίσαρος Καίσαρι καὶ τὰ τοῦ Θεοῦ τῷ Θεῷ”) (Matthew 22:21).

I know this is probably going to come up sooner or later, so I figured I ought to just address it now: Why is your blog called Me, Family, World. Shouldn't it be God, Family, Country, Self? Well.... someone far wiser than I said “Render unto Caesar the things which are Caesar’s, and unto God the things that are God’s” Basically, this is a blog about what's happening to me, our family, and our relationships with the outside world. I'm not blogging about my faith. Oh yeah, and the folks that do google “God, Family, Country, Self” probably won't be too thrilled with my blog. That's it. You're probably going to hear plenty about our church in the posts to come, but I'll try to keep the focus on our daily lives and adapting to being jobless and out of the pews.

Home Sweet Home...Until the Mortgage is Due

Home Sweet Home... Until the Mortgage is Due

We sat down and took a good hard look at our finances. As it is for most people, the biggest drain on our resources is the mortgage. Using a spreadsheet we typed in our monthly expenses and our savings. It was amazing how much longer we could live on our savings alone if we didn't have a mortgage payment. The decision was easy: we really have too much house for three people.

The decision was also hard: at the time that he lost his job, we had been living in the house exactly one year and one week. Our son still hasn't completed a full year in his new school. We have amazing neighbors and we're in a great part of town. This is a completely silly reason, but we bought the house so we could have friends, coworkers, and neighbors over for parties, and after a whole year we had yet to have a really great shindig.

The decision was easy: There are three new apartment complexes close to school, we keep in touch with our neighbors via facebook as much as we do in person, and honestly our whole town is pretty cool.

In the end one of the major factors that made us decide to list the house as quickly as possible was the knowledge that it had been on the market for over a year before we bought it. We know that it's the perfect house for a certain kind of family, now we just need that family to find this house.

You Need to Come Home Now

I had just finished a committee meeting at our son's school and was discussing lunch plans with the group when I got a phone call from my husband.

"You need to come home now."

I knew he had a meeting with Human Resources that morning, but this didn't sound good. I had walked to the school that morning, figuring that I could catch a ride home with one of the committee members, but when I looked around I realized everyone had already left. I put the phone away and started my walk home.

I'm not a patient person, so about 5 minutes into my walk I called him to ask what had happened. “They fired me.”

It's a good thing I was walking, because if I'd just been standing I probably would have fallen over. We'd moved across the country and had bought a new house in a new town barely more than a year ago for this job, and he had the only income in the family.

He went on, giving the details of his morning. What struck me was how the note of stress that had been present in his voice for months was completely gone. Gone. He sounded like a different man.

I finally got home and he looked like a different man. He'd been getting more and more serious as the budget cuts grew deeper and deeper. In front of me was my husband, but not the serious husband of the last year, but one who was laughing. To say I was surprised was an understatement.